Monday, 16 June 2014
My parents had a seemingly great marriage when I was a child growing up.
Little did I know until I turned 13 that there were skeletons in the closet consisting of 2 affairs (or more), 2 miscarriages, and a loveless relationship.
They stayed together for us kids... all 5 of us... and I am utterly grateful for that because I had a great time growing up with my family altogether. However now that I am older, have all the facts, and know a thing or two about relationships... it really wasn't the best thing and I don't recommend it.
So now for the past 5 or so years since they separated, we have had some family drama... no... A LOT of family drama. Who do I send the therapy bills to?
I found out that my mother had been telling my other siblings how she wasn't going to attend my impending graduation, engagement party, or even the wedding.
You can imagine how riled this had me, so I confronted her. And was shocked when she didn't even deny it.
I need to state that there is a lot more background to this mother-daughter relationship that ain't so pretty... but it would take me a few novels to get through it all.
Here is the topic: Divorced parents and the drama they bring to weddings.
Here is the question: How to deal with this. Anyone?...Anyone at all have the solution? No...? Great.
Well this is what I am going with:
1. Band all the brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, dogs, cats, God, whoever, together and get their help to talk to your parents. In my case my father is completely fine, it is my mother causing my distress so she is the target. I am hoping my siblings will be able to give advice to her that will make her realise the importance of these occasions, and the regret she will have if she misses out. After all you only get one life.
2. Try not to stress over it. If a parent is doing this to you, then it is more than likely you kind of knew this was a possibility, and it is true to their unfortunate character to be so horrid. They are the ones making themselves look bad to everyone else, and yes it may be embarrassing to have everyone around you ask where the parent is... but the main thing is that this day is all about YOU and no one, NO ONE, should take that away. They are in the wrong.
3. Find someone to replace them that you can count on and will only bring joy to you, especially on the big day. For me this is my sister. She practically is my mother, and is in fact 12 years older than me. She is my rock. The one I turn to for any and all advice. She is extremely intelligent, and I always have so much fun with her. She is who I will be leaning on for support, and looking to on the day. She is even my Maid of Honor. I always focus on how lucky I am to have her in my life.
Has this happened to you? Please share you story, experiences, and any advice!
If you are going through the same thing that I am, I am so sorry and wish you strength.